When we got home from our neighborhood Boofest movie in the park, we walked up our sidewalk to see the fruits of their labor. A very cool and spooky werewolf pumpkin!
I was glad to have the distraction of visiting with them to keep my mind off everything. The Halloween activities we did with both Olivia and Parrish last year are nearly impossible for me to do this year. I tried so hard to go to our church truck-or-treat yesterday afternoon, but I couldn't get all the fun things we did with her there last year out of my mind. Those are some of the last pictures we took of her. It's just too much.
Halloween tonight will be hard. I am thankful though that we are in a new, awesome neighborhood with great, supportive friends who we can make new memories with. I don't think there is any way I could have gone trick-or-treating in our old neighborhood tonight. The sights and sounds are all too familiar to bear without her when she walked those steps with us last year.
Last night my devotional was exactly what I needed to read. I opened the book and at the top of the page it said:
"Let us run with patience." Hebrews 12:1 (KJV)
My patience level is stretched to it's maximum capacity with several worries laying heavily on my mind this week. The commentary in the book went on to say "We are called upon to bury our sorrows not in restful inactivity but in active service - in our workplace, while shopping, and during social events - contributing to other people's joy. No other way of burying our sorrow is as difficult as this, for it is truly what is meant by running "with patience." Especially the last few weeks I feel like I have been barely putting one foot in front of the other, wishing that I could just hide and not have to "do" life for just a day. To succumb to the overwhelming sorrow in my heart. I needed to read that "the power to perform your daily tasks with deep sorrow in your spirit is a Christlike thing." I don't feel very Christlike. But even when I feel lost and far away from God - not understanding or liking His plan - He is with me - there is no other explanation for why, even with the hole in my heart and the stresses of this life - I could still be running (not always with patience-but I am trying!)
I want to thank so many of you for reaching out to me this week wondering what you can do to ease the pain of the one year mark of loosing Olivia this Sunday. Truthfully there is nothing you can do - I wish there was. It is a day we will spend quietly with each other, remembering Olivia in some special ways. The ladies of our church are having a redbud tree delivered to us this week in memory of Livy. We plan to plant it in our side yard, in a spot I can see out my kitchen window several times a day. In the spring it will bloom pink and remind us of Olivia's bright light still living in this dark world.
Thank you friends for loving on us in this and many other special ways on a daily basis. We love you all and ask that you pray God's peace and hope over us this week.